


Giant Robot Mayhem Doesn't Happen in a Day

by Elizabeth Culmer (edenfalling)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Jadefest, Mecha, Pesterlog, Post-Canon, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-16 20:18:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1360426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edenfalling/pseuds/Elizabeth%20Culmer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jade Harley approaches Dirk Strider with a proposal for a secret mecha construction project, because giant robots are awesome, good science and engineering partners are hard to find, and they need to do SOMETHING with their lives after the game.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Giant Robot Mayhem Doesn't Happen in a Day

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ratherrumpus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratherrumpus/gifts).



> This ended up being more of an ensemble piece than a Jade-and-Dirk piece, but all my attempts -- and they were numerous, trust me -- to focus more tightly on those two either fell painfully flat or fell _far_ short of the minimum word count. Sorry. I did try! (And in fact I will be posting some of those failed attempts as treats, because this was an awesome prompt.)

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

GG: hey dirk! :)  
GG: you and i havent talked much since we got to our nice new universe but i have a super secret project in mind and im pretty sure youd make an awesome co-conspirator   
TT: I've been known to dabble in super secret projects, it's true, but they've all been solo efforts.  
TT: What makes you think I'll want to join yours?   
GG: let me lay it out for you  
GG: instead of tracking down the stray lusus naturae with residual game powers  
GG: which is really exhausting for me, maybe not for you, but do they even have souls to destroy???  
GG: wait thats off topic   
TT: I don't think 'soul' is the right technical term. It has too many religious overtones.   
GG: anyway, instead of game powers or just using our normal weapons   
TT: The lusii definitely have something I can shred. Kind of like a bright dog, I guess?   
GG: we build giant robots and use them to fight the lusii on an equal footing  
GG: yes, yes, or motherfucking yes?   
TT: Not that I have any direct experience with dogs.  
TT: Wait, mecha, seriously?   
GG: youve never met a dog???   
TT: I'm in.   
GG: this is tragic we have to transportalize over to the mainland and take you to a shelter asap so you can get mobbed by puppies  
GG: its imperative!!!   
TT: No it isn't.  
TT: Forget the dogs, go back to the robots.   
GG: no!  
GG: puppies first  
GG: we can start hashing out designs once we get back to hellmurder island   
TT: I've gone nearly seventeen years without canine contact. Another day or two won't kill me.   
GG: :( :( :(  
GG: you dont know what youre missing  
GG: a dog is a humans best friend  
GG: they will love you forever and ever and you can train them which you cant do with cats  
GG: and they will guard you and play with you and lick your face and make silly noises  
GG: and remind you that its time for their dinner and walk so you dont get lost in your experiments or your dreams and starve and just  
GG: theyre the best and i miss bec and i want to go pet some dogs ok, is that so hard for you to accommodate???   
TT: Fine. We'll go tomorrow.   
GG: yay! :D  
GG: in the meantime we might as well start brainstorming  
GG: im thinking anime marathon   
TT: Now you're talkin'. Your prefab concrete condo or mine?   
GG: yours  
GG: you have better drafting software  
GG: ill bring my 3d hard light projector  
GG: fun times for all! <3

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

\---------------

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] \--

TT: I have two unrelated questions for you.  
TT: First, have you finished modifying the transportalizer field to extend past the border of the platform itself, so we can import larger and heavier items without having to dismantle them?  
TT: Or are you still working on that?   
TG: sheesh get w/ the program i fixed that last week  
TG: this is why you should come to weekly all island meetings  
TG: dont think i havent noticed you skipping  
TG: i know its hard being around people but dude you gotta try at least a little   
TT: Right.  
TT: I'll work on that.  
TT: When's the next one?   
TG: tomorrow at janeys place be there or be a perfectly generic object *wonk*   
TT: That's not as funny a meme as you think it is.   
TG: do you really wanna get into a meme throwndown with me just now?  
TG: cause i was under the impression you had 2 questions to ask and youve only used one inquiry coupon  
TG: they dont last forever use it or lose it   
TT: We'll postpone the ultimate meme showdown until later.   
TG: sweet, it can be the post meeting entertainment!   
TT: *sigh*  
TT: Fine. Turn me into a show pony. It's not like I could possibly mind.   
TG: awwww man no sorry, im tryin not to do that crap anymore  
TG: its cool we can meme wherever whenever no big  
TG: well keep our joint dorky humiliation private   
TT: No, you're right, it will probably be good for me. Stage fright is the opposite of ironic cool.  
TT: I might as well face the music with a friend.   
TG: <3  
TG: no wait  
TG: <>  
TG: <> / <3 ???  
TG: we totes need an emoticon for undying broship   
TT: It's a sad lacuna in the trollish repertoire of graphic depictions of emotional states.  
TT: But back to our regularly scheduled question and answer session.  
TT: In the hypothetical event that one of your cats died, how soon would you want to get a replacement?  
TT: Hypothetically.   
TG: bzzzzzt irrelevant question ive got like six bazillion cats not counting the ones rosie made out of clone slime goop in her session  
TG: instamatic replacement  
TG: we keep trying to get them spayed n shit but i think some of them are hermaphrodites or have multiple wombs or something cause dman we are getting fuck deep in kittens at our house  
TG: haha fuck deep  
TG: v punny  
TG: also literally true holy shit do you realize how loud cats get when they do the full sex???  
TG: hint it is V. LOUD   
TT: Thank you for imparting more about mutant cat reproduction than I ever needed to know.  
TT: But come on, I know you had a favorite cat. The one in the little suit.  
TT: It's been nearly a year since he died.  
TT: Is that too soon for you to think about replacing him?   
TG: dirk do not get me a kitten  
TG: i mean it  
TG: if i want a cat i will go get one myself or i will ask you for one   
TT: Duly noted. But I wasn't planning to get you a cat.  
TT: I just want to know, hypothetically, if there's a general rule for the appropriate length of time between pet death and the acquisition of a new pet.  
TT: It seems like it ought to be mappable into some kind of equation.  
TT: Strength of attachment, the human's need for interaction, the level of trauma associated with the death, other variables like that.  
TT: But the literature I've been able to find is hopelessly contradictory and inconclusive.   
TG: ...  
TG: ok lemme explain you a thing b/c i love you and youre like a sad lost robot running into the same curb over and over until someone picks you up and turns you to face the right direction  
TG: grief?  
TG: is not logical  
TG: neither is love as you damn well know *cough* jake *cough*   
TT: Low blow, Lalonde.   
TG: yeah it was sorry my bad  
TG: anyway whoever youre thinking of getting a pet, just fucking ASK THEM if they want one  
TG: boundaries dirk  
TG: theyre still a thing  
TG: lets practice respecting them together k?   
TT: Ok.   
TG: and if you were asking about the transportalizer cause you want to zap over a herd of ponies or some shit like that  
TG: ...   
TT: ...   
TG: dont do it w/out telling me first i want pictures   
TT: If I ever import a herd of ponies, miniature or otherwise, you'll be the first to know.  
TT: I bromise.   
TG: LMAO youre such a weirdo  
TG: *brofist*   
TT: *bunp*   
TG: :D

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

\---------------

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

GG: question for you!  
GG: you keep saying you want your mecha to have a sword  
GG: how much armor thickness are you willing to sacrifice for mobility?  
GG: bearing in mind there are structural limitations and youll never duplicate your own speed and flexibility and also we DO want these things to hold up at least a mile underwater   
TT: I know.  
TT: I also know a sharp edge is a sharp edge in any environment within the scope of this project, but underwater ammunition is a specialized pain in the ass.   
GG: hmm  
GG: point  
GG: and it tends to be very messy and indiscriminate too  
GG: but we cant ignore water resistance either, and that will definitely fuck up any fancy swordwork  
GG: what about harpoons instead?   
TT: Oh. Hmm. Yeah, those could work.  
TT: I keep forgetting the goal is capture, not destruction.   
GG: hahaha <3  
GG: yes as satisfying as seagoat shishkebab might be we are supposed to be tossing them through to alternia where theyll be the trolls problem  
GG: oh dammit   
TT: What?   
GG: i just realized were planning to shove water animals into a dry cave filled with lots of pointy stone spires just waiting to rip them apart   
TT: Ah.  
TT: Well that's a "Shit, my bad," waiting to happen.   
GG: we need to get sollux and roxy to make the transportalizer field movable not just extendable  
GG: or warn the trolls to flood the cave beforehand   
TT: Didn't they have two frog temples in their session? Where's the other one?  
TT: It should be easier to jump the transportalizer field over there than to shift it to a random location.   
GG: no good kanayas hive was in the middle of a desert   
TT: Welp.  
TT: I think you'd better talk to Roxy this time. She might get suspicious if I keep asking her about transportalizer modifications.   
GG: sure no problem!  
GG: try not to strangle sollux or let him strangle you ;)   
TT: Ninmu ryoukai.

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

\---------------

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

TG: yo jade just dropping a note to say i know you and my bro are up to something  
TG: and i have a strong suspicion it involves giant anime robots   
GG: dave no thats supposed to be a secret!!!  
GG: you cant tell anyone!  
GG: not until were a lot closer to having a working prototype!   
TG: a secret you dont say  
TG: hey harley protip dont leave your lab door open if youre trying to keep something under wraps  
TG: oh no how does everyone know grandma likes to walk around the house naked  
TG: maybe because we have a giant picture window with no curtains just a thought   
GG: whoops! well dont i feel silly   
TG: dont worry i wont tell anyone  
TG: as long as you build me one too  
TG: ps i did a quick check on the future and they turn out fuckin awesome  
TG: eventually  
TG: very eventually  
TG: but fair warning im gonna be righteously pissed off when somebodys giant metal foot crushes my pad   
GG: oh shit im sorry!   
TG: no big i know its coming ill just evacuate all my shit preemptively  
TG: and hey  
TG: dirks not being  
TG: i dunno  
TG: hard to work with or anything  
TG: is he   
GG: well he IS a control freak, but so am i when it comes to science and engineering, so it works out!  
GG: we argue a lot but i think that will make the results turn out better since were shoring up each others blind spots  
GG: once were done with the robots i think we might keep on being in cahoots  
GG: ive been thinking about trying to recreate skaia labs on this version of earth and apparently its a lot easier to get a business started with a partner :)   
TG: ok cool you get down with your badass science mogul self  
TG: have you talked to him about this yet   
GG: no, im waiting until we finish the robots  
GG: you never know, i might want to strangle him by the time were done so i dont want to be trapped into some kind of legal maze   
TG: a dastardly web of subpoenas spun by the legendary red tape worm   
GG: yes its reach is long and super deadly!  
GG: but right now i need to get back to welding and im pretty sure youre scheduled to visit alternia today, so shoo  
GG: say hi to karkat and kanaya for me!!! <3   
TG: no prob  
TG: see you whenever

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

\---------------

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

GG: ok first of all what the hell do you think youre doing with those gyroscopes in the sword controls  
GG: that is going to come back and bite you BIG TIME!   
TT: Want to bet?   
GG: but well come back to that later  
GG: and yes i do want to bet!  
GG: anyway, i know we decided to leave the spaceflight modifications until after we had proof of concept for the general land and water stuff  
GG: but i want to pin down the details now so we have more time to plan how to integrate them  
GG: about reentry  
GG: parachutes or controlled flight the whole way?   
TT: Controlled flight. Rule of cool trumps practicality whenever possible.   
GG: that works for whats essentially a vanity project  
GG: but its no way to run a business in the long term   
TT: Are you suggesting we make this partnership a more permanent thing?   
GG: mmmmmmmmmmmaybe?  
GG: i mean we have to do something with our lives  
GG: why not create skaia labs in a THIRD world?   
TT: Why not indeed.  
TT: Obviously we're not going to market mecha to the general public.   
GG: or to local militaries!  
GG: not that i think theyd accept anyway, like i said mecha arent really cost effective   
TT: But what would we develop and sell instead?  
TT: The version of you in my timeline succeeded because she got in at the ground floor of the computer revolution, and then the telecoms revolution.  
TT: We're a few decades late to replicate that trick.   
GG: but not her other advantage!  
GG: ie reverse engineering alien and game tech  
GG: transportalizers, dirk  
GG: a worldwide network of transportalizers  
GG: imagine it   
TT: I am imagining it. I'm also imagining the power consumption levels.  
TT: We'd have to do a metric shit ton of work on electricity generation and power storage first to make that remotely practical.   
GG: so???  
GG: are you implying we cant fix all those details if we put our minds to it?   
TT: No.  
TT: I'm just saying there are multiple factors to take into consideration.  
TT: And also that Rome wasn't built in a day.  
TT: This is a hell of a project you're suggesting.   
GG: true!  
GG: but so were the giant robots and were nearly done with our prototypes  
GG: we work pretty well together dont you think?   
TT: Yeah. Even if you do insist on wasting valuable potential lab time dragging me over to the mainland to get mobbed by tiny, slobbering canines.   
GG: you know you love the puppies :)  
GG: its good to have a distraction now and then to reset your brain and keep from burning out!  
GG: not to mention the unconditional love   
TT: Have you ever thought about getting a new dog?   
GG: a little, but its too dangerous right now  
GG: ask me again when weve finished building the mecha and rounding up all the lusii   
TT: Ok. I'll remember.  
TT: And as for your business proposition, I'm in.   
GG: yay!!!!! <3  
GG: :DDDDDDDDDDDDDD  
GG: now get back to the lab i need to tell you exactly how wrong you are about those gyroscopes

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

\---------------

CURRENT gutsyGumshoe [CGG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board HELLMURDER ISLAND RENOVATION SQUAD.

CGG: This is a fact finding mission of grave importance, people, so respond ASAP!  
CGG: Over the past week I've noticed strange lights and noises coming from the warehouse Jade and Dirk have claimed as their lab.  
CGG: Yesterday Dirk refused point blank to explain himself to me and in fact escorted me away so smoothly I didn't realize he'd changed the conversation topic five times until I was back in my room with a mug of hot cocoa.  
CGG: Also, Roxy tells me there have been numerous unscheduled transportalizer activations that weren't entered into the log file, some of which seem to have involved items of very large mass.  
CGG: I suspect these facts are related.  
CGG: Clearly our friends are Up To Something.  
CGG: We need to find out what before they draw unwanted attention to our island, and everything we accidentally brought with us into this universe.  
CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTT: Now that I come to think of it, Jade *has* been giggling evilly to herself somewhat more than usual.  
CTT: Alas, I haven't overheard anything useful.  
CTT: Just something to general effect of, "Gyroscopes, pfffffahahahaha!"  
CGG: Gyroscopes? Why gyroscopes? Don't they have something to do with ball bearings?  
CURRENT tipsyGnostalgic [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTG: not really gyroscopes are a technical thingy where you  
CTG: um hang on tryin to unjargon shit  
CTG: k here we go  
CTG: you have a wheel its axle is the x axis  
CTG: the axle is fixed to a ring which is fixed to another ring at right angles like  
CTG: and the second ring is fixed to a frame  
CTG: and it distributes force an shit so the inner spinny wheel keeps on spinning no matter how you shake or tip the frame  
CTG: basically its a fancy top you can use for compasses and helocopters and stuff  
CTG: the math is the shiznit  
CURRENT ectoBiologist [CEB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTG: agree w me johnny boy  
CEB: ok sure. i agree with roxy.  
CEB: what am i agreeing to?  
CGG: That the math involved in gyroscopes is cool, I think.  
CEB: well, it is. :)  
CEB: speaking of other cool things, i can tell you what jade and dirk are doing.  
CTT: Involving gyroscopes?  
CEB: i guess it could, maybe for joints and stuff?  
CEB: but anyway, i snuck into their lab through a window just now and guess what!  
CEB: they're building giant robots!  
CURRENT gardenGnostic [CGG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGG: not just any giant robots, giant robots that are also tanks and submarines and spaceships all in one!  
CGG: with harpoons and torpedos and grenades and rifles and swords and WINGS and rocket flares and everything  
CGG: isnt it awesome???  
CTG: dude for real?!  
CGG: were almost ready for our first test run  
CTG: omg  
CGG: we were going to wait until we were sure everything works before we showed you but since you guys are kind of on to us, do you want to come watch dirk fall flat on his face in about ten tons of steel?  
CGG: for science of course!!!  
CTG: screw science i wanna fly the giant space robot!!!!!!!11111  
CTG: like srsly you built actual mecha omg this is my childhood come to life ok im havin a moment here gimme a sec  
FUTURE turntechGodhead [FTG] TWO DAYS from now responded to memo.  
FTG: spoiler dirk doesnt fall flat on his face he falls sideways on his ass  
FTG: must have been a miscalibrated gyroscope  
FTG: or was it dot dot dot ominous music  
FTG: still fuckin hilarious either way  
FTG: somebody make sure to have a camera running the historical record demands evidence  
FTG ceased responding to memo.  
CTT: Challenge accepted.  
CTT: For the sake of the historical record, of course.  
CGG: argh!!!!!!!!!!!  
CGG: ...  
CGG: gyroscopes have nothing to do with the leg joints and  
CTG: damn i wish i knew how he can still make the transtimeline part of the memo program work  
CGG: oh never mind, daves not here to listen and the rest of you dont want to hear me rant about engineering for twenty minutes  
CTG: the things i could do if i could replicate that effect mwahahahaha...  
CTT: Not online, certainly.  
CTG: but alas it is not ot be  
CTG: le sigh  
CTT: In person, your ranting can make for quite the appealing auditory experience. ;)  
CTG: pffffffffffff rosie the flirtin machine whens the last time you zapped over to trollplanet to mack on your gf????  
CTT: Two days ago, which you know perfectly well. :)  
CGG: i dont mind if rose wants to flirt  
CGG: the more the merrier!  
CEB: if you say so. but don't tell me about any of it. PLEASE.  
CGG: nyah! :-p just for that im inviting everyone to a cuddle orgy and im going to tell you ALL ABOUT IT  
CGG: except for dirk hes not invited  
CGG: stupid dirk  
CGG: i bet he tips the robot onto its butt on purpose  
CGG: and i had good money riding on a faceplant!  
CURRENT timaeusTestified [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTT: Hey, think of how I feel, knowing ahead of time I'm fated to make an ass of myself.  
CTT: And any attempt to change things risks a doomed timeline.  
CTT: I feel slightly manipulated.  
CGG: Whether your giant robot falls forwards or backwards or skips in a circle before sitting down to weave daisy chains is not the point!  
CGG: The point is that you're building a giant robot at all!  
CGG: In case it escaped your notice, we're refugees on an unfamiliar version of Earth where none of us, nor our ancestors, nor any of their works ever seem to have existed.  
CGG: two robots actually not just one  
CGG: I DON'T CARE HOW MANY ROBOTS THERE ARE.  
CGG: EVEN ONE IS THREE TOO MANY.  
CTG: uh, janey, breathe  
CGG: The local computer systems and government records may acknowledge our identities despite our lack of records, we may have inexplicably lavish bank accounts, but we CANNOT afford to attract attention.  
CTG: janey!  
CEB: wow jane, are you ok?  
CGG: People tend to react VERY BADLY to sudden infestations of monstrous alien wildlife.  
CGG: Until we've finished hunting down the last of the lusus naturae, we're far too vulnerable to play silly buggers with ridiculous anime robots!  
CTG: janey jane fuckin SHOOSH im coming over with more cocoa  
CGG: but the POINT of the robots is to catch the lusii!  
CTT: We're not gonna use the robots to declare war on passing ships or anything, Jane, just play cowboy and round up the wayward lusii herds.  
CGG: well ok and maybe fight mock battles afterward but not until weve cleared up the mess!  
CGG: What.  
CTT: Let me see if I have this straight.  
CTT: Having correctly identified the lusus naturae infestation as a problem, you decided the most logical solution was not a simple application of our residual game powers to locate and subdue the beasts before shoving them through the transportalizer to our compatriots on the reconstructed Alternia.  
CTT: Instead, you chose to secretly build machines heretofore seen only by virtue of animation or other special effects because they make little to no mechanical sense, then use said machines to hunt the lusii down and, so to speak, punch them in the nose?  
CTT: Basically?  
CTT: Yeah.  
CEB: ok, but why?  
CGG: because giant robots are awesome, thats why!  
CGG: and an interesting challenge from a physics and engineering standpoint because yeah theyre kind of stupidly impractical  
CGG: but that just makes them even more awesome when they work :) :) :)  
CTT: Not to mention, who doesn't want to punch a giant albino freak of nature in the nose?  
CGG: Dirk.  
CTT: What?  
CGG: Don't get cute with me.  
CGG: too late hes always cute i think its a strider thing  
CGG: or maybe hot, i dont know, dirk might have achieved hot by now  
CGG: daves still just cute though hehehehe ;)  
CTT: I suddenly feel very objectified over here.  
CGG: dont worry i still love you for your brain <3<3<3  
CGG: If you people will please for ONE MINUTE stop derailing this conversation and return to the actual topic!  
CGG: We never had any input into this giant robot nonsense. It has the potential to ruin all our lives, so I think it's unfair to let this test run continue without a thorough discussion and vote.  
CEB: i vote yes. go robots!  
CTT: My apologies, Jane, but I'm with John. Yes.  
CGG: dirk and i obviously vote yes and so does dave since he asked us to tape the test run  
CGG: besides if he saw dirk do a robot assplant the test is locked into the timeline unless we want a dead dave on our hands  
CTT: And I think, based on Roxy's up-memo enthusiasm, she's also in favor. That's six against one, or six against two at best if Jake ever bothers to join the memo.  
CGG: Fine. I can see there's no way to talk you out of this.  
CGG: But I still say we need to consider the ramifications and potential side effects.  
CGG: For one thing, I suspect a lot of the materials you've been using are the sort of thing that raises eyebrows when purchased in quantity except by an established factory or research lab.  
CGG: Did you even consider that?  
CTG: jaaaaaaaaaaaney step away from the memo  
CTG: we can figure shit out tonight after dinner well go see the lab and the robot and it will all work out  
CTG: k?  
CTG: now unlock your door and let me in ive got cocoa and graham crackers an marshmallows and i know you have chocolate were gonna make smores until you chill out  
CGG: ...  
CGG: Excuse me, I have to go deal with an unexpected houseguest.  
CGG ceased responding to memo.  
CTG ceased responding to memo.  
CEB: this is the diamond quarter, right? this is totally a troll thing.  
CTT: Or we're simply observing a time-displaced example of the human female ritual known as "best friends having a sleepover".  
CTT: Oh really.  
CTT: And what would you call the human male ritual you and Dave sometimes indulge in when you're feeling stressed out, that involves junk food, crashing in each other's rooms, gossip, and terrible video games, and which seems to leave both of you on a subtle, repressed endorphin high for the following day or three?  
CTT: Brotherly bonding.  
CTT: Obviously.  
CGG: they paint each others nails  
CGG: true fact!!  
CEB: oh my god, dave told me terezi pinned him down and wouldn't let him go until she was done painting his fingers and toes.  
CEB: he is a lying liar who lies.  
CTT: That's been established for years.  
CTT: But enough gossip. I want to see your hypothetical robot.  
CTT: And then I want to discuss specs for the one you're going to build for me. :)  
CGG: no problem!!!  
CGG: john do you want one too?  
CEB: maybe. ask me again after we know what will really make dirk assplant his robot.  
CTT: I'm never going to live that down, am I?  
CGG: nope!  
CGG: especially if it has anything to do with your stupid gyroscopic swordplay ;)  
CGG banned CTT from responding to memo.  
CGG banned CTT from responding to memo.  
CGG banned CEB from responding to memo.  
CGG closed memo.

\---------------

\-- golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

GT: Jade im sorry i shot dirks robot in the foot like a bally nincompoop and ruined your test results.  
GT: You have my abject apologies.  
GT: And um.  
GT: Can you build me a robot too?   
GG: no

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] blocked golgothasTerror [GT] \--

GT: Darn.  
GT: I promise i wont blow myself up go shooting lusii willy-nilly antagonize passing cargo ships step on anyones house or perpetrate any other misguided mishap youre doubtless picturing.  
GT: Cross my heart.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] unblocked golgothasTerror [GT] \--

GG: wait  
GG: step on peoples houses?   
GT: Thats definitely a thing i wont do if you build me a giant robot.   
GG: ...  
GG: dammit dave you and your time loops   
GT: Beg pardon?   
GG: ask me again in a week  
GG: well probably need you for group ambushes anyway

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT] \--

\---------------

CURRENT ectoBiologist [CEB] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board GIANT ROBOT MAYHEM.

CEB: attention troops!  
CEB: mission creepy bald centaur stampede begins in five minutes.  
CEB: everybody check in and make sure your giant robot is in working order!  
CEB: windhammer and i are ready!  
CURRENT timaeusTestified [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTT: Zero is good to go.  
CURRENT gardenGnostic [CGG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
GG: silverwolf reporting for duty!!!  
GG: this is so exciting i cant wait until our first underwater hunt  
CURRENT gutsyGumshoe [CGG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGG: Cuisinart standing by at the transportalizer field.  
CURRENT tipsyGnostalgic [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTG: and im stuck down in the emergency bunker boo hiss  
CTG: next time someone else gets to work the transportalizers controls  
CTG: i was promised giant robots and my poor deathstrike is gettin lonely :(  
CGG: Your poor Deathstrike is still under repair from your solo beach encounter with the biggest seagoat.  
CTG: psssshh, details  
CGG: dont worry roxy your mecha will be as good as new once dirk and i are done with it :)  
CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTG: stairmaster locked and loaded  
CTG: except not really itd be dumb to leave the parking brake on when im supposed to go make like im a gigantic metal fly in a couple minutes  
CTG: bets on if i can land on a centaur and poke it in the ass with my shitty oversized katana  
CTT: No, but I'll bet you I can pull that trick at least one time more often than you.  
CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTT: Just make sure you've aimed the centaurs in the correct direction beforehand.  
CTT: Also, if they whisk you off with their tails, I will laugh and laugh.  
CTT: Fair warning.  
CEB: so will i!  
CEB: but enough chatter on the coms!  
CEB: rose, are you ready for the mission?  
CTT: Talon and I are prepared.  
CURRENT golgothasTerror [CGT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGT: And im here as well standing by on the other side of the transportalizer field!  
CGT: Skeletor and i wont let any of the blighters slip past us.  
CEB: excellent!  
CEB: jade will you give us the countdown?  
CGG: no problem!  
CGG: you should all have visual on the centaur herd on your auxiliary screens  
CGG: dave and dirk will harass them from the air, me and rose and john will hit them from the ground, and jane and jake will funnel them toward roxy and the transportalizer  
CGG: its a beautiful night on alternia and the trolls are standing by to channel them through the cave system up to the surface  
CGG: so lets do this thing!  
CGG: giant robot mayhem on the count of three, everybody  
CGG: three  
CGG: two  
CGG: one  
CGG: go!!!!!!!!!!!!

\---------------

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

TT: Hey, Jade.  
TT: Two questions.  
TT: First, how soon do you think we can reinforce the heat resistant plating on all the mecha in preparation for our second run at capturing the dragon?   
GG: i dunno, maybe three days if we work fast?  
GG: probably four or five to be on the safe side   
TT: That's what I thought. I'll tell Jane and John so they can start planning aerial tactics.  
TT: Second, the dragon is the last lusus naturae.  
TT: Once we've got it through the transportalizer, I was just wondering.  
TT: Do you want a puppy?   
GG: ...  
GG: ...................  
GG: ......................................  
GG: .......................   
TT: Jade? You ok?   
GG: well go pick one out tomorrow  
GG: thank you, dirk <3  
GG: good partner, best friend  
GG: now lets get back to work!!!

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

**Author's Note:**

>  **Prompt:** After their session is complete, the game's resident robot experts, Jade Harley and Dirk Strider, team up to rebuild Skaia Labs. Is this merely a shallow excuse for them to build giant robots together, pilot said robots, and annoy all their team members who dislike wanton giant-robot destruction? Perhaps. Is it going to be awesome regardless? Absolutely.


End file.
